When we were in college, Jack and I watched our fair share of James Bond movies. Our favorite was The Spy Who Loved Me…mostly so that we could hear the Bond girl du jour suggest shagging with her sultry accented line “Shared…bodily…warmth” followed by an amazing ski chase scene in the Swiss Alps. On nights we were feeling particularly romantic, we’d even slow dance to Carly Simon performing the theme song of the movie, Nobody Does it Better. Ah, memories.
But if you’re anything like me, it’s hard to think sexy thoughts when you’re chilled to the bone. Take it from this Midwestern girl…sex in the winter is not nearly as sexy as sex in the summer.
Let’s first assume that you have the heat running as high as you can afford, or at least as high as your partner will allow you to crank it. Jack and the kids run pretty warm, so we top out at 72 degrees over here. I’m told that’s pretty warm, and I realize that I sound awfully privileged to complain about being cold when I set my house to a standard room temperature, but when night falls early and we finally climb up to the corner of our house where our bedroom is situated…it feels colder than 72, and the idea of peeling off my pajamas and assuming the position on cold sheets does not sound appealing. But arousal calls, so here are some tips to hygge your way to a sensual cold weather romping session.
1. Use a space heater.
I’m going to start with my favorite and simplest tip: a space heater. In an ideal world, I’d have a romantic wood-burning or gas fireplace right in my bedroom so that I could sprawl out on a faux fur rug or something, but we’re no millionaires, so onto Plan B.
We have this compact space heater that we bought from Amazon a few years back, and it’s now a staple on my nightstand for three seasons a year. We have another one that we keep in our master bathroom, so that our naked bodies can waft between the spaces without feeling the slightest chill. If you have the space, a freestanding fireplace or stove would be even better and perhaps a tad more romantic. Life goals.
We use the space heater every night to warm up our room before bed, whether sex is on the agenda or not. This little guy works so well that it’s pretty typical for Jack to stop mid-thrust and reach over to turn it off before his sweat droplets fall onto my face while we’re doing it missionary. It might be all you need to feel the warmth, but the rest of these tips will further help you overcome the sleep inducing white noise of your heater and move into the erogenous zone of your choice.
2. Take a shower.
Get warm from the outside in with warm water from a bath, shower, or hot tub. Letting warm water run all over my body and slowing cranking up the shower dial to the point of scalding is a luxury that helps to simultaneously relax me and ease my mind into arousal.
Jack often wants to join me in the shower, but I’ll admit that I’m not great at sharing the stream. We typically take our showers separately and get our bodies ready for sex and bed in solidarity. A bonus is that we actually get really clean this way…and for a clean freak like me, clean bodies for sex is an immediate turn on. Mmmm.
3. Better yet, take a bath!
Baths are like the next step up from showers, especially if you have a nice jacuzzi tub that comes standard in the typical American McMansion. My mother scoffed when she first saw ours, proudly claiming that she never did bother taking baths. Silly…baths are so good for your aches and pains and swelling and also…foreplay.
A shared bath offers two excellent positions for intimacy: either facing each other straight on or spooning. Both positions are nice for relaxed and/or sensual conversation and appreciation of the others body through sight and touch. It’s lovely to run a washcloth or loofah over one another. You can also add salts,oils, drinks, and scents to the experience.
While we don’t like to share the shower, we do enjoy cramming both of our bodies into the bath and letting the hot water creep into our epidermis until we can’t take another moment of the heat. Somehow that warmth stays with you as you exit the bath and crawl onto fresh sheets, like invisible pajamas.
4. Hot Tubs are…well…hot!
If you get to the point where you’re a spoiled princess — or if a year’s worth of your vacations were cancelled thanks to COVID and you find yourself with a chunk of spending cash — I cannot recommend a hot tub enough. Yes, this was a quarantine purchase for us and we couldn’t be happier with it. We let the kids use it like a tiny pool, but we also use it several nights a week, just the two of us after the kids are in bed. We even bought ourselves huge terry robes so that we can disguise our naked bodies as we transition in and out of it. The hot tub gives us a way to get outside and enjoy more than just summer nights in our chilly Midwestern backyard. It’s a place to talk and decompress, and Jack gets to stare at my naked body while I float free and warm. Plus, we shower off afterwards and get clean (refer to above paragraph about showers and clean bodies during sex).
5. Rub on the warmth with massage oils.
Spring, summer, winter, or fall…a massage is fantastic year round. I’ll admit that it’s typically Jack who massages me, but how you go about your business is up to you. We have many different scenarios that can play out with a massage in the mix. Sometimes we’ll role play that I’m getting taken advantage of by my hunky masseuse or that I’ve (accidently?) gone to a place that offers happy endings, but often just a nice shoulder rub can offer enough friction to heat things up all over.
The great thing about massages is that they often start out seemingly innocently, with blankets, towels, or sheets sheltering your body from the cold (if you are the massaged) or wearing clothes (if you’re the masseuse). The masseuse can get warmed up…and perhaps worked up…just doing their job. The massaged body can relax into warm oils and touch. Jack sweetly washes his hands with warm water and then oils them up before touching my skin. You could use warming oils purchased especially for the purpose of sensual massage…but we prefer coconut oil as both our massage oil and lube of choice. (Just make sure that you do NOT get coconut oil in your hair…it leaves it greasy for several washes, in my experience.)
6. Drink something warm.
What’s your favorite winter drink? There’s no rule that says you need to drink wine to be romantic. Desperate weather calls for warm drinks, and this is one of the best ways to warm yourself from the inside out.
Since we typically do the deed after nightfall, we prefer something that will also help us sleep when our fun is done. Caffeine free teas, such as our favorite Dandelion Root Tea, give us warmth without the jitters. We also dabble in decaf coffee, which is nice if you want to spice things up with a shot of Kahlua, Bailey’s or another liquor to take the edge off. There’s even a local wine called Witch’s Brew that comes out in the shops around here each fall; it’s a red wine that’s intended to be consumed warm. A classic Hot Toddy made of warm water, whiskey, honey, and/or lemon is also lovely, and there are several variations on the recipe to suit your tastes.
The point is, a warm drink can help you relax and get you ready to strip off a layer or two, so find the drink that you like best. I recommend you enjoy it during your sexual negotiations for the night.
7. Create ambiance with candles, an oil diffuser, and/or incense.
Part of being warm is just a mindset…mind over matter! A warm scent in the air triggers my body into thinking warm thoughts. Candles are my number one choice for setting the scene. I like to choose warm, woodsy scents; my current favorite is Bonfire Embers by Opalhouse at Target. The flickering flame and warm lighting combined with the warm scent creates the atmosphere I crave for sex.
An oil diffuser is another staple in our master bedroom. During sex, we usually choose to have the light on (red is our most popular color choice, bringing back memories of our long ago trip to Amsterdam). For the diffuser, we alternate between the relaxing scent of lavender, which also helps ease us into sleep, and more arousing scents like sandalwood and jasmine. It’s a bit of a game to combine the candles with the diffuser scents, and I find myself keeping the two scent-makers on opposite sides of our disproportionally large (compared to the rest of our house) master bedroom so that we don’t have a gross mix.
That said, another trick that’s on our list, but we still haven’t attempted during sex, is incense. We’ve used it a bit in other areas of our home and it emits some great smells, but I’m a little embarrassed that we haven’t yet brought it upstairs. I suppose there are only so many spices that you can add to one sex session…so choose your favorite!
8. Dress your bed with warmth.
Cold sheets are the worst in the winter! (Okay, that’s another ridiculous privileged statement, but bear with me). I have a friend who uses a hair dryer to warm her sheets before climbing in, but there are quieter and quicker solutions to this dilemma. On my would-be-nice list for wintertime this year is jersey bedding. Flannel sheets would be warmest, but I’m not single and my husband sleeps hot. Our idea for a compromise is a flat sheet and possibly even a duvet cover made out of a warmer cotton jersey material, like a well-worn T-shirt. Something that doesn’t shock your body when you lay down on it, but rather just eases you into your naked nighttime experience.
The reason we haven’t yet ventured down this Linen Lane is because we’ve actually had so much success with our new favorite sex towels. Turkish towels are big, warm, and soft — softer with every wash, in fact! We have five that we use over the course of the week to protect our sheets from the liquid side effects of sex. For cold weather sex, the added bonus is that they’re like laying on a warm throw blanket. They look nice, too!
If you’re super chilled to the bone, heated bedding could be the trick to get you ready for naughty nights. You could purchase an electric blanket, or simply throw a favorite throw blanket in the dryer pre-conjugal visit.
9. Accessorize with winter gear.
Play up the winter scene with the appropriate accessories for the season. A few select winter gear accessories are always appreciated by Jack for the added visual interest and fantasy effects. Choose gear that keeps you warm and makes you feel cute. A hat locks in body heat, and Jack particularly enjoys it when I wear a winter hat with a fluffy ball on the top. Cold feet can be a mood killer…but we’ve solved that problem by starting out with me wearing knit Uggs or furry snow boots…and not much else. (Clean sex tip: bleach wipe all shoes prior to letting them enter your romp room.)
Since we all know that us ladies don’t just get cold when it’s winter, there are many other year-round options to staying partly dressed and keeping cozy with plenty of sex appeal. Get a sexy, even impractical bra, for the sole purpose of looking hot while controlling painfully cold nip-ons. Thigh-high nylons or fishnets with or without heels keep legs warm and prevent your leg hair from rapid goosebump grow-back, but calf high athletic socks are also super cute and oddly flattering on a naked lady.
It’s a little surreal how covering just one body part can heat things up…but give it a try! Chances are, your partner will enjoy it just as much or more than you do.
10. Shared bodily warmth…or just get kinky.
Honestly, after our foreplay sessions we usually have to turn off the heater and kick off the boots because now we’re plenty warm enough…but if you still find yourself chilly, get your guy on top of you. Still cold? Get under the covers and generate a cave of heat. Going all out physically with workout-worthy sex certainly warms things up.
You can also just embrace the cold and let it be part of your game. On kinky nights, I love being tied up on our bed, often blindfolded, and letting Jack do what he sees fit. Releasing control of my body to my lover also releases my mind from exploring attempts to stay warm. The cold simply becomes a part of the game; it’s an experience to feel the cold air on my flesh, and reminds me that I’m human but right then…I’m his.
There you have it: my top ten scene setters for sex in the cold. Use one, or use them all, just do what works for you. Experiment, play, and have fun with it. If being a Midwestern girl has taught me one thing, it’s that winter is long but it’s a part of life. We can’t wish it away, and why should we put off sex for days when we’re feeling a bit warmer? The trick is to find what makes you feel good in the moment at hand, and enjoy.
