Does It Count if It Happened in College?

2003

When we explain our lifestyle to people today, everyone always wants to know not just why and how, but when did this begin for us? 

I guess I don’t “count” the time I made out with Jack’s friend’s girlfriend in the back of the SUV while the boys watched, mouths agape, Kyle making noises like he was going to cum right there in the passenger seat. I don’t count the time that this same girlfriend and I showered in front of Kyle and Jack, soaping up each other’s naked bodies and gingerly kissing our soft lips together. 

These little exhibitions didn’t seem to make me slutty or queer, because the guys were there to enjoy the show. It was for their pleasure, I told myself, and I chalked up my own pleasure to being “giving.” Nevermind that I was always horny to remove Janie’s bra, see her perky tits, tease Jack with detailed whispers about the things that I’d like to do to her nipples. 

Sure, I made out with girls at Jack’s fraternity parties. I was a pro at cajoling girls to “live a little” by showing us their boobs. On more than one occasion I made out with a girl, most notably on stage at a nightclub during the Spring Formal. Alcohol was involved.

What does it mean that Jack encouraged this behavior? What does it mean that I went along with it, often initiating it? I liked kissing girls, so what. It didn’t seem to have any bearing on my sexual orientation. 

My antics didn’t surprise our friends. His frat brothers heard us having sex through the walls so often that it became second nature for them to shout at us and for us to moan even more loudly in return. They must have liked what they heard; they crowned me fraternity Sweetheart not once but twice. I was their go-to when they needed advice on sex and relationships.

All of this leads up to what Jack and I affectionately call “Our First Orgy.”

But technically, it wasn’t. It was just four couples getting it on in the same room. Parallel play. 

The only “crossover” was between me and Jen.

Jen was the longtime girlfriend of Aaron, one of the older brothers. She was most known for walking around topless sometimes, just because. The guys didn’t complain.

Neither did I. I liked her. Not just for her looks — blue eyes, cupid bow lips, dark hair, voluptuous — but also her personality — sweet, smart, blunt, bold. 

Sometimes I wonder if she considers herself a bisexual now, or if she thinks of our antics as “just a phase.” Maybe she puts us in the “too much to drink” category. Alcohol was involved here, too — Sangria, dangerously tasty. The night is a bit of a blur, but certain scenes are clear.

Dancing on the coffee table with Jen. The other two girlfriends joined, too, but Jen and I were fixated mostly on each other.

Flirty touches, like stroking our hands along the other’s breasts. I remember exchanging lots of compliments about our appearances.

Kissing, paying no mind to the rest of the party. I’m sure the guys were sitting there as still as deer, hoping not to be seen with their giant erections, lest we ladies get startled and stop. 

My clothes coming off, and Jen’s, too.

Moving from the coffee table to the futon, straddling her. I remember how wet I was when we remembered our guys and paused, turning to them.

“You can keep going,” Jack offered. 

I ran an idea by Jen, whispering to her for consent. Granted. We asked Aaron and Jack to run back to our dorm rooms, not far, and grab our vibrators.

They bolted out while Jen and I pulled open the futon. We lay down side by side, continuing to stroke and kiss. Someone turned the lights down low, and the other two couples started making out in different corners of the room. 

When Jack and Aaron returned with the toys, Jen and I showed off our goods like little girls showing off their dolls. She had a pink bunny vibrator. I had a bullet vibe. We teased ourselves and each other until our giggles turned into moans.

When the guys couldn’t take any more spectating, Aaron mounted Jen and Jack mounted me, side by side on the mattress. Jen and I were fucked by our guys in rhythm, inches apart. 

After I orgasmed, I sat up and took in the scene. The room was dimly lit by the moonlight shining through the windows. On the Twin XL bed in the corner, Chris’s girlfriend was on top, her giant breasts bouncing. In the other corner, on pillows on the floor, Mike was on top of Lisa, his lanky body thrusting. Next to me, Jen and Aaron were slowing down. 

Jack was staring at me, smiling. “I’m not going to be able to cum like this,” he whispered, and so we left quietly and went back to his room to finish.

I woke up the next morning with a hangover and some apprehension. Did I cross a line? I felt naughty, but kinda in a good way. Almost proud. But wasn’t this wrong? A sin? Cheating? It had gone further than the usual boobs and making out. 

Jack waved away my fears. “I went and got your toy for you, remember?” He was quite excited to have this lovely addition to his spank bank.

Jen and Aaron were fine, too. The other two couples, however, asked that we not talk about this again, and we pledged that this would stay between us. So shh.

Jack had other things he wanted to discuss. “You seemed pretty bisexual last night.” He’d mentioned the b-word before, of course, but I’d always shrugged it off. That was all just party fun.

But this? Did this indicate something? I was attracted to Jen, of course, she’s gorgeous. Thoughts of something sexual with her had crossed my mind before all the drinks, before that night, even. “I guess I am,” I admitted. And then I shrugged that off, too.

It didn’t matter. I wouldn’t do this again. Maybe we could make up the rules right now, when we were only dating. But I was planning on marrying Jack, a man, and the rules of matrimony didn’t have an orgy amendment. We’d have sex only with each other, for the rest of our lives.

We were so innocent.