I’m a librarian by day, so naturally… I’m all about the books! I think one of the best things you can do for your mind is to continuously feed it great information.
These books have been instrumental in our relationship, and many have helped to shape my modern views about sex as well. I come back to them often, rereading sections for reminders and further inspiration.
Love Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship
by Stephen Snyder, M.D
I recommend this book to everyone and anyone. Only a chapter in, I required that my husband read it, and he and I had our own little book club. I have also recommended it to several co-workers and family members.
Sex is essential to marriage, so this is as much as sex book as it is a relationship book. The advice in here is immediately useable, practical, and inspirational. Also…if your public library subscribes to this awesome database called Hoopla, you can listen to the audio version for free!
From Amazon’s description: Can sex survive monogamy? Yes, once you understand how sexual emotions really work. This acclaimed, paradigm-shifting guide turns traditional sex therapy inside-out to reveal the hidden rules for great sex.
Gentle, compassionate, and filled with compelling stories from Dr. Stephen Snyder’s thirty years as a sex therapist working with over 1,500 individuals and couples, Love Worth Making is essential reading for anyone hoping to keep sexual inspiration alive in a committed relationship.
Love worth Making is available on Amazon: https://amzn.to/2WWechv
Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality
by Cacilda Jethá and Christopher Ryan
Yes, this is a big book and it’s intense in its ideas, often reading much like a text I might have picked up for a college course. It’s also fascinating, paving the way to an understanding that monogamy was not always the default for humans. This book’s revelations are to monogamous sex what Darwin’s theory of evolution was to intelligent design. A must-read if you’re a person like me who wonders if you’re “weird” for wanting to explore sex with other people. Spoiler alert: you’re not weird, you’re human.
From Amazon: In this controversial, thought-provoking, and brilliant book, renegade thinkers Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá debunk almost everything we “know” about sex, weaving together convergent, frequently overlooked evidence from anthropology, archaeology, primatology, anatomy, and psychosexuality to show how far from human nature monogamy really is.
In Sex at Dawn, the authors expose the ancient roots of human sexuality while pointing toward a more optimistic future illuminated by our innate capacities for love, cooperation, and generosity. “A scandal in the best sense. . . . This book takes a swing at pretty much every big idea on human nature: that poverty is an inevitable consequence of life on earth, that mankind is by nature brutish, and, most important, that humans evolved to be monogamous.”
Sex At Dawn is available on Amazon: https://amzn.to/34OvUYD
The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures
Monogamy is the default in our culture, so it was eye opening to me that there are those who are successfully polyamourous in our culture. This book goes into great detail about what is necessary for a healthy polyamourous lifestyle, and if you’re on that lifestyle spectrum, it’s worth the read.
From Amazon: The essential guide for singles and couples who want to explore polyamory in ways that are ethically and emotionally sustainable. For anyone who has ever dreamed of love, sex, and companionship beyond the limits of traditional monogamy, this groundbreaking guide navigates the infinite possibilities that open relationships can offer.
Experienced ethical sluts Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy dispel myths and cover all the skills necessary to maintain a successful and responsible polyamorous lifestyle–from self-reflection and honest communication to practicing safe sex and raising a family. Individuals and their partners will learn how to discuss and honor boundaries, resolve conflicts, and to define relationships on their own terms.
The Ethical Slut is available on Amazon: https://amzn.to/38MMgBZ
Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence
By Esther Perel
I tried reading this book years ago, and I’ll admit that back then I just didn’t get it. I didn’t want to be “mysterious” to my partner…I thought that a great marriage meant that you knew everything about your partner and vice versa, end of story. I put the book down too quickly, not fully understanding the complexity of marriage, but also of the Self. A more recent reread revealed Perel’s wisdom in seeing the two sides of people and of marriage — the love and the erotic, the security and the chaos. This book has made me rethink marriage, love, and the importance of desire. My marriage and sex life thank you, Esther Perel!
Also, the audiobook of this one is free on Hoopla, too! So is another one of her books, The State of Affairs, which is also on my to-read list.
From Amazon: A New York City therapist examines the paradoxical relationship between domesticity and sexual desire and explains what it takes to bring lust home. One of the world’s most respected voices on erotic intelligence, Esther Perel offers a bold, provocative new take on intimacy and sex. Mating in Captivity invites us to explore the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, and explains what it takes to bring lust home.
Drawing on more than twenty years of experience as a couples therapist, Perel examines the complexities of sustaining desire. Through case studies and lively discussion, Perel demonstrates how more exciting, playful, and even poetic sex is possible in long-term relationships. Wise, witty, and as revelatory as it is straightforward, Mating in Captivity is a sensational book that will transform the way you live and love.
Mating in Captivity is available on Amazon: https://amzn.to/37V1ciu
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
By Gary Chapman
This is not necessarily a sex book, but good sex in marriage has to start somewhere, and this book is a classic starting point. Taking the quiz and assessing how I need my partner to show me love — and how he needs me to show him love — was instrumental in changing the vibe of our relationship. (For those interested…I like Quality Time, he likes both Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch.)
This is another one that’s free on Hoopla. God bless public libraries!
From Amazon: Falling in love is easy. Staying in love—that’s the challenge. How can you keep your relationship fresh and growing amid the demands, conflicts, and just plain boredom of everyday life?
In the #1 New York Times international bestseller The 5 Love Languages, you’ll discover the secret that has transformed millions of relationships worldwide. Whether your relationship is flourishing or failing, Dr. Gary Chapman’s proven approach to showing and receiving love will help you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your partner—starting today.
The 5 Love Languages is available on Amazon: https://amzn.to/38NMI39
Currently on my nightstand…Come As You Are (The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life)
by Emily Nagoski
This will be my next relationship read. I’ll let you know what I think…read along with me and let’s have a book club!
Come As You Are is also available on Amazon: https://amzn.to/34SJ3Qs
