Before I started this blog, I briefly considered starting a home organization blog. I love decorating my place and optimizing it for maximum use. My career as a librarian is centered around organization and easy access of materials. I get a little twitchy when things get out of place, and a great weekend for me is one in which I can work start to finish on reworking where things are best kept in the kitchen.
Thankfully, I realized early in my blog planning stages that writing about organization everyday would bore me to tears, and would be a special sort of torture for my husband, too. Except for today…when I talk about organizing your sex toys. This worthy project was born out of sexual necessity, and I promise you that having an organized sex toy space will indeed enhance your lovemaking sessions.
1. If you have kids, keep the toys under lock & key.
We set up our bedroom to be a retreat for just the two of us , but we let our kids hang out in our bedroom for morning cuddles and some TV time during the day, and they like to use the master bathroom, too. So while we don’t encourage them to spend much time in our bedroom, they do enter our space daily. And having four nosy kids means that I can’t just leave my vibrators in any old spot.
As with any organization system, everything must have its place, and that includes the sex toys.
As with any organization system, everything must have its place, and that includes the sex toys. Think carefully about where they would be most usefully and safely stored in your retreat. Obviously, you want to keep them close by the zone where they are most frequently used. We went through some trial and error, but in the end we found the perfect solution for us.
We used to hide away our sex toys in a bin in a nearby closet, labeled “Pajamas.” It wasn’t far from the bed, but it also felt dangerously open to the rest of our household. We worried that the kids would snoop in there and find the motherload, so our next trick was to get a lock on the closet door. This also solved the problem of where to hide the kids’ Christmas gifts, and if the thought of sex toys and Christmas gifts cohabiting in the same closet offends you…well, then please just pretend that you don’t also know that we stash the cannibis in there, too.
Then, we lost the key to the closet…ugh. After searching high and low to no avail, and desperately missing our drugs and dildos, I finally used a crowbar and a screwdriver to break in. By now the kids were pretty curious about our closet, so we upped our game and upped the ante to a digital combination lock, which is definitely a nice upgrade.
However, it was less than ideal to run over to the locked closet when we decided to break out something special mid-lovin’. And our organization system wasn’t really a system but rather a bin filled with toys and accessories. It was less Fifty Shades and more like digging around for a specific Lego block. Not hot. So we decided to act like grownups and splurge on some real nice sex toy storage.
Locking file cabinets as nightstands have proved ideal…they weren’t the cheapest nightstands out there, but they have a large surface area on top and deep drawers.
Locking file cabinets as nightstands have proved ideal…they weren’t the cheapest nightstands out there, but they have a large surface area on top and deep drawers. They have the appearance of mini-dressers, too, so they blend nicely into the bedroom scene. The drawer furthest from our bedroom door, on top, houses the majority of our collection. It’s easy to unlock right before a session, while we’re setting the mood, and offers us easy access to grab what we need whenever inspiration strikes.
2. Keep things separated & organized inside your sex toy storage spot.
Within the drawer, we prefer to keep our toys separately bagged in clear gallon size freezer bags, lined up like little files. We always clean them before we put them away, so we’re comfortable reusing the bags. Our very favorite toys (hello, wand!) are kept in their own little section. Our bondage items also have their own zone (nipple clamps, flogger, ties, blindfold) and our lubes are all kept grouped together, too.
Overall, this solution has been ideal. Our toys are close at hand during sex, which is exactly the point of having sex toys. If you’re not into buying new furniture, no problem. You could try a locking safe or box kept under the bed or in a nightstand — bonus if it’s a combination lock so that you don’t have to fiddle with a key.
Our toys are close at hand during sex, which is exactly the point of having sex toys.
3. Tuck in your ties for easy access.
reading material!
There are a few sex accessories that we do not keep in the locking drawers. The most dangerous storage we have are our bondage ties. We have two types. One is an under-the-mattress restraint system with metal clasps, and the other are individual ties with fur cuffs that tie to the bedposts or (in our case) the slats on the box spring. We do leave these tucked under the mattress at all times, because we too like to live dangerously. (Seriously, though…do this at your own risk. We nearly forgot about these when my father-in-law came to help us switch out our old mattress for a new one. Cringe.)
4. Keep the PG items in a sophisticated end-of-bed bench.
We keep our special towels in a bench at the end of our bed; these Turkish towels make great sex towels that feel amazing on bare skin. They can double as throw blankets for use on chilly nights and they make a great accessory for relaxing, nighttime yoga.
5. Initiate a system for keeping your toys clean.
We clean our sex toys after each use, so we keep our sex toy cleaners in our bathroom drawers and use clean washcloths to wipe them down. Then, back into the baggies in the file cabinet they go.
Go play with your toys!
It’s a simple thing, but having our sex toys organized and ready for action makes it more fun and easy to use them, and that makes for more fun and easy sex! Up next on our sex toy bucket list…I’m dreaming about adding a sex swing in the basement, with its hook drilled into the rafters hidden under the drop ceiling tiles. Stay tuned!
