9 Tips to Set Up Your Bedroom for Better Sex

I’m all for having sex in spontaneous, exotic locations.  But realistically, it doesn’t happen that often.  The kids are always home, I don’t want to make a mess on the couch, and making love on the dining room table has never actually been all that comfortable for me.  Vacations and trysts are a thing of the past during COVID times.  Now, more than ever, is a great time to turn your bedroom into a sexy retreat.  

For us, the bedroom is our spot that’s dedicated to just the two of us.  The common areas of our house are shared spaces for everyone, and the kids’ bedrooms are theirs alone.  So it’s only fitting that we should have our own space, too.  

Ready to set up your space for relaxation and better sex?  Consider these ideas:

First, Find Your Vibe

Ideally, your home is decorated to your taste and style and that decorating flows into your bedroom.  But if you share your home with family, chances are pretty good that your home is also filled with family photos, kids’ toys, kids’ paperwork, kids’ clutter…ugh.  And maybe the rest of your house is still a work in progress, not quite to your liking.  That’s okay, these things take time.  Try starting with just your bedroom — the place that you get to be 100% you.  You need at least one room of your own — or, if you’re married, with your soul mate — with a vibe that speaks to your soul(s).

In finding our vibe, we had to first consider how we’d be using our space.  Sex, yoga, and getting our bodies dressed for the day and undressed for the night are our primary bedroom activities.  We also watch movies from the comfort of our bed, and of course we sometimes like to just cuddle up and chat with each other.  In short, our bedroom is a place where we can relax and be ourselves.  It’s our cocoon from the stress of the rest of the world.

For us, clutter brings on stress, so we make sure to keep our surroundings simple.  We each have a tray of necessities on our nightstands; things we might need during movies, sex, or in the middle of the night.  Every item that we keep in our bedroom is carefully curated, intentional in its purpose. 

Eating and Drinking

Do you eat in your bedroom?  For us, food in the bedroom is prohibited.  I prefer that food is kept in the common areas, and ideally I like to go 10-12 hours without eating overnight.  Also, I’m not one of those people who enjoy mixing my food with my sex…I like to keep my pleasures in their separate bubbles.  In fact, for me, food mixed with sex is a bit of a turn off.

So, we have a healthy snack with the kids right before bedtime, and then the bedtime battles begin.  Liquids are another story; I sometimes bring a cup of tea or a glass of wine upstairs, and we always have our water bottles nearby.  If you’re going to hunker down in your room, consider what you really need in regards to food.  For us, it’s just a couple of coasters, but you might find yourself needing a little jar of nuts for sustenance or even an entire breakfast tray.  Or perhaps a fondue pot for melting chocolate, letting it drip onto your partner, and then licking it off?  You do you!

Family Photos

Or, I should say no family photos!  In any room where you have sex on the regular, I can’t imagine a bigger turn off than pictures of family members.  Before we even had kids, Jack and I agreed that we would avoid the conundrum of facing a photo of Grandma while orgasming at all costs.  Thus, no family photos in our most frequent sex spots.  

Instead, we’ve hung up scenic photos of our travels, wedding momentos in a frame, some wreaths, and a couple photos of us that now inevitably make us feel old nostalgic — one of us from high school and another from our wedding.  Our other decor includes plants and candles; we definitely go for a minimalist vibe.  You could also hang up the sheet music to your favorite songs or artwork that inspires or arouses you.  You could decorate with baskets or beautiful ceramics.  

Just keep that adorable baby photo elsewhere if you prefer not to think about where that sex might lead .  And please, no photos of your parents.  Ew.

Bring Some Nature Indoors

Nope, we don’t like a lot of clutter, but we don’t count plants as clutter at all.  I find plants energizing and calming all at the same time.  They’re a pop of life within a room, and I love to watch them take on their own shapes, colors, and sizes.

Jack rarely buys me jewelry anymore; plants are our love language.  He started out by gifting me roses when we were dating, but we both always hated seeing them die, so cut flowers are now reserved for extra special occasions.  He switched to buying me houseplants early in our marriage, and we now have plants scattered around the house that are gifts from both holidays and “just because” moments.  

My favorite plant is an aloe plant that Jack got me as a birthday present years ago.  He bought it at the grocery store, putting up with the cashier’s snotty remarks that it was “all” he was buying me for my birthday.  It’s a good thing my husband knows me best; I was thrilled to receive it and it’s come in handy for many a burn.  It now resembles something from Little Shop of Horrors, proudly reaching towards the sun from its spot of honor on our dresser.  Looking at that plant during sex is a great reminder of how much I love the guy that I’m doing it with!

Sensual Scents

Well, duh, right?  It’s probably a given that candles can help set the mood.  I choose our scents carefully for every room in our house.  I’m not a huge fan of food scents, because they just make me hungry.  Instead, I prefer natural scents.  In the spring and summer, I like something light or flowery.  In the fall and winter, I want to smell something warm and woodsy.  This fall, our bedroom has a bonfire scented candle, and our bathroom is graced with a coordinating warm forest scent.  I like multiple candles in our bedroom, so I accent our other scents with vanilla.  It’s my favorite!  

I also use an oil diffuser to add scents along with a bit of humidity.  Our favorite essential oils take on the same theme as our candles, but they do the added job of running all day or night long without the risk of burning the house down.  Lavender is a top pick for nighttime and lemongrass is one of our favorites during the day.  I even grace some of our dryer balls with a few drops of lemongrass to make all the laundry smell fabulous, too.  Sandalwood and jasmine are some sexy-time favorites for a little musk.

Textures & Towels

Keeping with our theme of simplicity, we just use white linens to adorn our bed.  Our bed itself is soft, too, with an upholstered frame headboard, which is useful for sitting up to watch a movie or read, and for protection when your head hits it during a good banging.  We have an extra blanket to protect the white linens from the dog during the day, and to keep us warm while sleeping.  Throw pillows are the finishing touch to a daytime bed well made, and they help prop up my bum when we do it in the missionary position.

Sex towels are a big thing for me.  No one likes wet sheets, and if you’re doing sex right, I gotta say that there is going to be some moisture involved.  Once upon a time we used our old bath towels, but they felt so sterile, and we weren’t using them after showers anymore because they’d gotten rough…so why were we using them for sex?  It’s ridiculous how towels can make a woman happy, but buying these Turkish towels for sex was a little game changing for me.  I use them as a throw blanket or sarong when they’re clean, and then we lay them down on the bed as a sheet protector.  Or on the floor to protect the carpet.  Bonus — they get softer with each wash!  So versatile!

Consider other items around your room that could have texture, too.  Silky gold curtains on our windows give a luxurious, sultry vibe.  A leather bench is fabulous for storage or for more creative sex positions.  Carpeting keeps our room quieter and is gentle on the knees.  Juxtapose those soft fabrics with harder, natural items like rocks for doorstops and wood blinds.  A smooth concrete countertop is natural and yet clean and calming.

TVs in the Bedroom

It look us fifteen years to bring a television to our bedroom, and it has nothing to do with sex.  We resisted for many years because we read that a cardinal rule of having more sex was not to have a TV in your room, because obviously if you’re too busy watching TV every night, you’re not going to have sex, right?

However, we sort of have the opposite problem.  We have sex too much, resulting in bangovers for me and a bit of an addiction for my husband’s testicles.  Jack and I often joke that we need to “pace ourselves;” we try to restrict ourselves to sex about 3-4 times a week.  Clearly a television was needed!

To be honest, we originally put the TV in our bedroom because (a) we were sick of loading up a laptop to guide us through a yoga video on YouTube, (b) because we had an extra TV, and (c) we already had an armoire that could hold a TV in our room.  In addition, our kids are starting to get older.  They do things like come downstairs for a late night snack or have sleepovers in the basement.  We needed a space to watch a movie or show in private, preferably naked and cozy together.  It’s become a part of our bedtime routine to be together and enjoy “our shows.”  

If you want to justify a TV in your bedroom as being good for your sex life, try cuddling naked and watching a sexy movie.  Or porn.  It’s hard to say no to sex when you’ve got that setup!

Mirrors

We visited a resort in Jamaica that had mirrors on the ceiling.  Looking at pictures of those rooms online, I thought, “How tacky!”  I had no idea that I’d enjoy those mirrors as much as I did.  Talk about an interesting angle.

Stop right there if you think I have mirrors on my ceiling at home.  Please.  I have children and my own parents do enter my bedroom from time to time.  I couldn’t possibly.

But I do have a full length mirror on the wall.  Somehow I was able to drag Jack into a Joann Fabric’s one day.  Jack came across that mirror while waiting for me to pick out ribbon or something dull, and into our cart it went.  He’s never done a home project as fast as he hung that mirror up, either.  Now, his favorite way to cum is to do me doggy style while watching us in the mirror.  It’s great for checking out your outfits, too.

Sounds like Sex

Silly me, I originally omitted music from this post the first time around. I suppose it’s been such a given over the past couple years for us that it just blended into the background. We tried being cheap and just using our iPhones to play songs, but the quality (especially the base) was meh. We also hated that moment when a song we didn’t like would come on and one of us would have to jump up, grab the phone, and find a better tune. Enter…Amazon Echo. Now, we just tell her to play the next song and we barely miss a beat.

The right playlists make all the difference, too. Check out our favorite Spotify playlists for sex, or cultivate your own playlist with whatever songs put you in the mood.

It Takes Two

One thing that make our bedroom work for us in the bow-chica-bow-wow way is that it speaks to us both, but only the both of us.  I don’t decorate alone; Jack has a say in everything that enters our home.  The common areas of our home are decorated with the entire family in mind.  Our kids’ rooms are theirs alone to decorate, and then our bedroom is for just the two of us.  Jack and I both love our room because we communicate about what will be in there.  Communication isn’t just key for good sex — it’s key to decorating, too!  If you’re both expected to have sex in there, well then, you both better like what you see, feel, smell, and touch.  

Or, you could get a blindfold.  Whatever works for you…that’s what this is all about!  Have fun!